Anger Management
by ScarlettsFuneral
Summary: Has become a yaoi by request. Light's forced into anger management and L's forced onto Hyroxilize! Light's percentage keeps on going up without him knowing why, and Matsuda's being stupid again. Ch. 10 up!
1. Hydroxilize and Anger Management!

A/N: Hello my fabulous victim-er, readers! It's me again! Please stop rolling your eyes and sarcastically thinking "Oh, joy," now. I was originally going to make this a one-shot, but then I decided to put into chappies! Mwa-ha-ha- * cough * ahem. Sorry. My poor attempt at humor once more, but I don't think it's crack. The _tiniest _bit of yaoi, nothing to be enough to be in the 'romance' genre. I think It's like, two sentences or something along those lines. If you don't like it, please proceed to hit the 'back' button and do not continue to read. If you are fine, please read and proceed to hit the 'review' button. I would give you all cookies, but the darn cookie won't go into the computer and is making a mess on the screen, so I'm giving you all virus cookies! Enjoy XD!

"Hydroxilize is looking for 100 callers for a free trial. Hydroxilize erases dark circles and bags under the eyes. Hydroxilize is looking for 100 women ages 20-40 who suffer from under eye bags and dark circles. Call 1-800-575-5757. That's 1-800-575-5757. Call now!"

"Ryuzaki, maybe you should look into that!" Matsuda uttered more nonsense that would usually be ignored by all, but this time, instead of just looking at Matsuda and ordering him to fetch more coffee, L took the comment as a jab.

"I'm perfectly fine, Matsuda-san, and that infomercial said that it was asking for women."

"So? We could dress you like a girl, and with all of the voices you can do, you could probably sound like one. It would get rid of those circles under your eyes, so you might actually be able to get a girlfriend!" Light added. L mentally raised his percentage by two percent.

"I have no need for a 'girlfriend', and I couldn't have one for that would mean that I told another person my identity. But actually, I don't think that it would be _too _much of a problem, considering that I've already unveiled my identity to Kira, isn't that right, Light-kun?"

"I'm NOT Kira!" Light defended.

"I never accused you of being so, so your reaction means that you're defensive and on guard. Up by three percent."

Light growled in response.

"Judging by your animalistic vocal response, and your stance as you're about to punch me, that justifies my allegation and I will raise your percentage once more. And I'm also asking Watari about enrolling you in anger management classes. Then you might stop resorting to physical violence, and thinking about how much you want to kill me. And since I'm not dead, I can only elucidate that as of being because you don't know my real name. Once again, I'll raise your percentage as I see fit."

Light was bewildered at how L was able to twist him _growling _into another Kira indictment. And he was pissed at the thought of anger management classes. He did not need anger management! He was going to kill Ryuzaki and- … maybe he did need them.

"Ryuzaki, I'm _not_ Kira. And I don't need anger management!" Light huffed in defense.

"You've proven that you do. And I'll see to it that you get the help you need. Whether that be a psychologist, anger management, or to just be sent straight to the mental asylum," L stated simply.

"Fine, how about this? If I go to anger management, you'll get Hydroxilize. How does that sound?"

"I disapprove of the thought of 'Hydroxilize', and you'll get anger management because I said so," L was willing to send the boy there if he had to resort to force.

"Come on! It'll make you look better! We can have Misa dress you up as a girl!" Light tried. He wanted L to look better. Then he thought that it would be a bit more rational to be in love with the raven detective. He really had to stop reading L x Light yaoi. It was poisoning his mind.

You could literally see L's left eye twitch slightly at the mention of Misa. "… Light-kun, you will not let this drop, will you?"

"Not a chance." Light was sure that he was winning.

"Why do you care how I look?" L was curious. He'd seen the

"…" Light hadn't been prepared for that question. "Um… because I'm chained to you and you could be nicer to look at?" It came out like a question, but the real answer wouldn't just not fly, it would be shot down, tortured, and then slowly killed by Ryuzaki, and by Sochiro. Yes, saying "It's because I read a lot of L x Light yaoi, and now I'm in love with you, and I want you to look better so that I can give myself a semi-logical reason to why I like you like that," wouldn't go over at all.

"You'll go to the anger management without giving me another reason to why you need it?"

"Sure."

"…Alight… but I do not want to have it be Misa."

Upon hearing her name again, Misa barged into the room. "Liiiiiight! Did you call Misa-Misa?"

Everyone in the task force visibly winced at the high-pitched squeal emitting from the blonde model.

"Uh, yeah, Misa. I want you to give Ryuzaki a makeover," Light said after the ringing in his ears ceased.

"Okay! Anything for you, Light!" Misa grabbed Ryuzaki's arm, and began to drag him to her room, the chain forcing Light to be dragged along also. He looked up at L who had turned to him to mouth 'I hate you'.

A/N: See? That wasn't so bad. I don't know how long I want to make this, so please review if I should continue! And yes, Hyroxilize _is_ real, and that's almost word-for-word what the commercial says. I heard an infomercial for it on the radio a few days ago, got inspired to write this, got lazy and put off writing it, and then got bored today and did. Isn't my life exciting? … Yeah. Anyway, review and I'll keep going! _Push the magical button… _¯


	2. Cross Dressing!

A/N: Omg, shorter chapter. I'M SORRY! Don't kill me!!! Wah!

DISCLAIMER: Well, I own nothing, so I ask that you refrain from suing me.

In Misa's large suite, L was being pinned down on the bed by Light so that he wouldn't escape [and Light was enjoying it too much], as Misa riffled through one of her numerous makeup cases.

"Okay, what does Light want Misa-Misa to do with Ryuzaki?" Misa asked, still facing the makeup bag.

"I already told you. You need to make him look like a girl," Light informed her fro the second time. "That means putting him in a dress or skirt, and whatever kind of makeup girls wear. But don't cover the circles on his eyes because we have to take a picture to send to Hydroxilize." L just glared evilly at the boy with the god-complex who was straddling him in a very awkward way.

"Hydroxilize?" Misa asked, confused.

Light mentally face-palmed. He had just explained the circumstances to the girl ten minutes ago, including about what Hydroxilize was, and why they were dressing L up as a girl. "Yes, Misa. That's the _eye cream_," he sighed. "You know, the thing that will fix Ryuzaki's eyes."

"Ohh, okay," Misa nodded, skipping over to her stuffed closet. She began rummaging through numerous racks of black Lolita dresses, frilly skirts and skimpy tops. She pulled out several outfits for L to try on.

L was humiliated at the fact that Light and Misa were seeing him in a dress. He was standing in a black and red frilled Lolita dress adorned with bows of every kind that Misa had given to him last.

"It's perfect!" Misa trilled. "Time for hair and makeup!" She grabbed Ryuzaki's arm and shoved him into the chair in front of her vanity. The blonde girl wielded a mascara wand like a sword, and got to work transforming Ryuzaki into a girl.

A torture of foundation, blush, eye shadow, eyeliner, mascara, and lipgloss later, L was transformed fully into a girl… with really messy hair. Misa took care of that with a trim and blow-dry.

"See, Ryuzaki? You look just fine as a girl!" Light exclaimed, a little too enthusiastically. He was half assuring himself as well as L, because he was sure that if he didn't like the way L looked as a girl, that he was gay. If he liked L as girl as much as he liked him as a guy, he was just in love with L. That was even worse.

"…Light-kun? Why are you staring at my ass?" L asked cautiously.

Light looked up as soon as he heard his name and oh crap! He had been staring directly at L's ass for the past few minutes as he had been lost in thought and L had been looking in the mirror.

"Ummmmm… I was looking… past you?"

"No, Light-kun, you weren't. I could see you through the mirror, and you were not looking past me. Do you _ever _tell the truth?" L asked, exasperated.

"Yes! Ryuzaki, I don't lie on a regular basis, if I ever do at all. Why don't you believe me?" Light asked.

"You just lied again," L pointed out.

Light was slightly frustrated. L could see through ever lie he ever wove, whether it be about staring at him or being Kira.

"Yes, I _can _see through every lie you weave, whether it be about you staring at me or about you being Kira," L re-stated Light's thought, not looking at the other.

"Now you're a _mind reader_?!?!" Light exclaimed perhaps a bit too loudly. Not that he cared. Only the other people in the room who had ear drums were affected.

"…Yes." L stated simply. "You never figured that out?"

"…." Light just stared at him, in shock that he was so casual about saying that he hosted Psychic powers.

"What is it, Light-kun? I should inform you that you're staring again."

"That's not just something that you say so casually!" Light shouted again.

"Ryuzaki, you're a psychic?" Misa asked excitedly, dropping the skirt she was holding.

"Yes," L answered once more, sighing inwardly at the slowness of the Goth girl.

"Wow! Misa-Misa want's to be a Psychic!" She jumped up, clapping.

"Misa, you can't be psychic," Light told her.

"Wh~y?" she whined.

"Because… um, I wouldn't like that," he answered lamely.

"Okay, Misa will stay normal for you," she pouted.

"Thank you, Misa," Light was relieved. The last thing he needed was Misa running around screeching fortunes. He might have to kill her. Again, he didn't need anger management.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Thank you for waiting! My sincerest apologies to all who I promised this chapter would be done yesterday. But guess what? My computer contracted 8 viruses! Joy. So I had to take it to get it fixed up yesterday, and so I'm posting now! Read on, and review! Virtual cookies to all who do!

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

~:~:~:~:~

Light stepped into the decidedly unpleasant room of the rehabilitation clinic's anger management division, with his jacket bugged and tiny cameras placed around room to monitor him. His eyes scanned over it, taking in the light blue painted walls, which were almost completely bare -less for the patients to throw at other's heads- and in the center of the small space, the newcomers were greeted by a circle of matching chairs. A few of the other internees were roaming around, and a doctor was sitting patiently at a wooden desk hidden in the corner that Light hadn't noticed before. As he stepped in further, the doctor raised his head to look at him, and then clapped once for order.

"Alright," the doctor, who's nametag read "Dr. Near", said monotonously. Light watched the albino sit down in one of the chairs, draw a -socked- foot onto the chair, and bury a hand in his white hair. How did he have white hair, Light thought. The guy didn't even look twenty. Hell, he barely passed as fifteen! "Please, take a seat, all of you."

Everyone in the class complied and found someplace in the circle to sit.

Dr. Near twirled a lock of snowy hair around his finger. "We can start by announcing our names, and telling the rest of us something that we hate." He pointed to the man on his left. "You can start us off."

"Right, my name's Bill, and I hate my co-workers," the man said, smiling. He reminded Light of the killers that smiled as they came at you with a knife. The circle continued around.

"I am Beyond, and I hate humanity."

"My name's Lisa, and I hate my husband."

"My name is Ted, and I also hate my co-workers and my boss."

"Name's Mello, and I hate all of you, and the worthless thugs that work under me in the Mafia."

It was Light's turn. He wracked his mind for something suitable to say. "My name's Light, and I hate pale, slouching, immature, know-it-all detectives."

He received a strange look from almost everyone in the room. The blonde boy (girl?), who had referred to himself as Mello, snapped the corner off of a chocolate bar, that he whipped out of seemingly thin air, with his teeth.

Dr. Near was curious. "Is he one of your co-workers, or your boss?"

Light was going to have some fun with this, he decided. He would tell the truth, and let L freak out. "He asked me to help him and my father on the Kira case. He needed another recruit, and so he asked me, and I agreed to work part-time there. But now I really regret it because he suspects that I'm Kira, which isn't true, and now I'm handcuffed to him whenever I'm around, so that I'm on surveillance."

~At the Task Force Headquarters~

L just stared, horrified, at the multiple screen in front of him, which had all just simultaneously shown Light blatantly throw out all of the information on the Kira case that he could. Soichiro came in.

"Ryuzaki, we found some more- are you all right?" He saw L's eyes bulging.

"You're son's an idiot," he muttered, returning his attention to the ice cream in front of him.

~In the Clinic~

"Well then, we should probably move on. Who's next?" Dr. Near cut him off, because he really didn't want to hear about the handcuffs. What he did when handcuffed to another man was his, and the fangirl's, business.

"My name's Tim, and I hate my life because I'm stupid."

"I bet you are. Next?" the doctor asked.

"I'm Steve, and I hate Bob. Shut up Bob!" Steve yelled at the air next to him.

The room got quiet, and they all just stared at him and his imaginary friend. "Excuse me, but I think that you're looking for the schizophrenic ward. That's downstairs, on your left," Dr. Near said slowly. 

"But Bob told me to come here!"

"…Yeah."

"Okay," Steve got up and left the room in favor of the schizophrenic clinic.

"Well then, I think that that can conclude today. Have a nice day," Dr. Near said monotonously, like he really didn't care one way or another how their day went.

They all filed out of the room virtually wordlessly, and went home.

Light climbed into the back of the limo driven by Watari that was sent to pick him up. He sat in the car, fuming over the torture of the class. As soon as he got to the headquarters again, he stormed into the lobby. "I **HATE** anger management!" He punched the wall with all his strength, and recoiled away, holding his hand just as quickly.

L was still watching him through the cameras that focused on the lobby. "You know," he said to Soichiro, "I don't think you're son gets the point of anger management."


	4. Lollipops

A/N: Hello mortals! This chapter is rated T.  Thanks to a few anonymous requests, and Darkangel2828's input on her opinion, I've decided to make this a yaoi! If you are uncomfortable with boy x boy make out sessions, please turn back! You have been warned. If you need to leave, the next chapter will only be worse, probably rated M for lemon, so here's your alternate ending!

Light continued going to anger management classes, and Ryuk thought that it would be funny to throw apples at Light's head during them. L saw the apples appearing out of thin air through the cameras, and deduced that it was a Shinigami, so Light was sent to prison with the death penalty, and soon died. L lived happily ever after, and finally got his eye cream.

To all who are still reading, here's the real story, with all of its yaoi goodness!~ ^^ Please R&R!

XxXxX

Light stormed up to the main computer room of the Task Force headquarters in search of a certain raven-haired detective (Who refused to leave his thoughts!)

When he opened the door, feigning calmness, L looked up, acknowledging his return. "Hello, Light-kun. How were your classes?"

"You know _damn_ well "how they went"," Light growled at him. "Why did you make me go to anger management, L? It's terrible."

"It'll be even more terrible for you if you throw that much information out like that again!" L snapped.

"Well, you're supposed to open up when you go to places like at," Light returned.

"Yeah, open up, not open every file folder on the Kira case to schizophrenic people!"

"Well if their schizophrenic, they won't understand what anything means!"

"…Light, they're schizophrenic. They're not retarded!"

"…Too bad."

"What?!"

"I don't care! They'd be mental then, anyway, so it doesn't matter."

"Alright, then," L shrugged, and turned his attention to the lollipop that was in his mouth. Light glanced over at him at the wrong time, and L was holding the lollipop and licking it seductively.

"Ryuzaki!" Light scolded.

"What?" L asked innocently.

"Stop that!"

"Stop what?" L asked around the lollipop.

Light smacked the lollipop away. "_That!_"

"What was that for?!"

"No more lollipops," Light said, his pants becoming uncomfortably tight.

L noticed almost immediately. "…Does Light-kun need to take care of that?"

"No!"

"There's no need to shout. My hearing is just fine, thank you," L unwrapped another lollipop to replace the one that was now lying on the gray tiles below.

"Ryuzaki…" Light groaned.

"Why do you not want me to eat this? I will not stop my sweet consumption. If you try to make me, I will assume that you are trying to either lower my deductive skills, or kill me, which would lead me to believe that you re Kira."

"I am _not_ Kira!"

"Okay then, I won't stop consuming sugar." He put the lollipop back into his mouth.

"Ryuzaki…." The blatantly wanton of L sucking on the candy made Light's pants grew even _tighter,_ if that was possible.

"Light-kun, you _really_ should take care of that. It can't be healthy," L glanced at the swollen crotch of Light's slacks again.

Light crawled up to the infuriating detective's ear and whispered, his breath hot against L's neck. "Since you're the one who caused it, it's only fair that you fix it."

The brunette boy locked his lips onto the raven's, and kissed him passionately. God, how could it feel so _good? _Neither of them had ever experienced anything remotely similar to this before. Light darted his tongue out and licked L's bottom lip slowly, begging for entrance. L's lips parted and Light's tongue slipped inside, meeting L's eagerly. After about a minute more of French kissing, Light pulled back because of that _goddamned need to breathe,_ panting heavily.

"Light?" L asked, breathing just as hard Light was.

"Yeah?" replied Light.

"Should we take this to the bedroom?"

A/N: Yay! My first yaoi fic that's graphic like this, and the next chapter will probably be my first lemon! Or it might be the chapter after that… it all depends. Well, thanks for reading! ^-^ Cookies for all! * Throws cookies to readers *


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: **RATED M**. I'm making that clear that this chapter is rated M for smexy yaoi lemons. Little children TURN AWAY! This is my first lemon, so please be nice! Constructive criticism is completely welcome, but I will hit all flamers over the head with a fire extinguisher! . I own nothing. Okay, that's it, so on with the story!

"We probably _should _take this to the bedroom…." Light moaned into L's neck.

L and Light continued biting, sucking, licking, and kissing each other. Their kisses were desperate, a silent plea against the other's lips, jaw and neck, to let their hands roam further than just underneath their shirts.

L was sitting on his chair normally, Light's knees straddling his hips as he reached further and further up the older detective, his hand finding purchase in the other's thick, black hair. Their heats beat at a pace that L was sure would be enough to kill a human. And he was partially right. If anyone saw the lust that they were sharing, they would inevitably be killed.

L had no idea what to think. His usual emotionless demeanor was cracked and falling apart like a bent oil painting. All of the emotions that he had suppressed through the years of being a detective had all surfaced and were now just a jumbled mess within his mind. Passion, happiness, lust, hatred, greed, anger, even envy coursed through his veins at an unreasonable and unfathomable rate. He couldn't pull away; his body wouldn't let him, and his heart said that it was what he wanted. All rational thoughts were carried off with each kiss, and he instinctually reached for Light's clothed erection, but stopped when he heard a creak of the door. He looked over and saw….

"Hey, Ryuzaki, I was just wondering if-" Matsuda looked into the room he had just entered -without knocking- and learned the lifelong lesson of remembering to knock when his eyes fell on Light straddling L on L's desk chair, both of them a disheveled, panting, flustered, shirtless mess.

"Matsuda…" L ground out.

"No, no, it's okay, please continue," Matsuda sat down to watch, pulling a video camera out of his jacket. Light wrapped his arms around L's waist from behind. "Get the fuck out of here," Light growled. Matsuda just stood there, not thinking that they'd do anything.

"Matsuda!" L barked. "Out, now, or you're fired, and the video of you singing the Llama Song while drunk and running around the office in your underwear is going on Youtube!" Matsuda ran out of the room as fast as absolutely possible.

L spun around in Light's arms and slipped his hands under Light's shirt, slowly pulling it off over his head. Light grasped the hem of L's shirt, and L easily pulled it off, over his black hair. "We really should go somewhere else…" Light sighed happily. L picked him up bridal-style and proceeded to carry him down the hall into their bedroom, managing to close the door behind him and let Light fall onto their king-sized bed.

"Beautiful," L mumbled, mostly to himself, kissing down Light's chest. "Beautiful and mine." He flicked his tongue over Light's left nipple, his hand pinching the other, issuing another low moan from the brunette. Then L grabbed Light's erection like he was doing before Matsuda interrupted.

"Nng!" Light moaned loudly as L's hand teasingly squeezed Light's now-hard-to-the-point-of-being-painful bulge. "R-Ryuzaki!"

L smirked and repeated his action, causing Light to release another audible yelp of pleasure. Light's head was spinning in pure ecstasy. Nothing he'd ever experienced from his many girlfriends had ever nor could ever add up to what he was experiencing at the moment, because now he actually loved the person who was doing this to him.. If his life was always a heaven like this, he wouldn't really mind going to Nothingness, or even Hell. And in that moment he couldn't imagine his new world without the other male who had apparently pulled them both to the floor, and had tugged Light's pants to the ground without the latter noticing, and who was now running his slick tongue over Light's member. Light was playing the part of a submissive uke well, moaning and panting each time L's skilled tongue darted a different direction. L couldn't believe they were actually going to do this – Light and him, detective and suspect, fucking, as his mouth moved away from Light's needy cock. Light gave a grunt of displeasure at the loss of contact, and then let loose a groan of pain as L's middle finger punctured the thick ring of muscle at Light's entrance. A second soon followed, and then a third, stretching him, and preparing him for what was about to come. Light uttered another moan as L filled him, and slowly pulled out, only to thrust back in. He repeated the motion steadily a few more times, Light giving another satisfied sound each time. A few more thrusts, friction building, and the room became way too stuffy for their liking, yet it was ignored as greedy mouth found more patches of unkissed flesh. "Mmm, R-ryu- L! I-I'm com-" Light released in the palm of L's hand, which had been stroking him to the time of each almost violent thrust. L came soon after, and they both collapsed in each other's arms.

"Mmm, I love you, Ryuzaki," Light sighed, tiredly.

"You, too, Light," L hummed idly, watching Light's eyes close as he drifted towards sleep.

A/N: Did you like it? That was my first attempt at lemon, so no flames! Constructive criticism is always accepted though, especially on this. I promise I'll get better ^^ Please review! Push the magical green button that gives you cookies… Thanks for reading!


	6. Woody the Wood Chipper!

"Good morning, L," Light said groggily, rubbing the sleep from his eyes while doing his best to shield them from the intense sunlight that was pouring through the crack in the curtains.

"Ah, good morning, Light-Kun." L leaned over to place a chaste kiss on Light's lips.

"How long did you end up sleeping last night?" Light asked him, breaking away to sit up more.

"About an hour, or so," L replied nonchalantly. "_You_ slept like a child, though."

Light chuckled slightly. "Is that so? Well, we need to get ready. The rest of the team will get here soon," he said, glancing at the clock.

L pouted. "Aw, do we have to? I wanted to do this." L wasted no time capturing Light's mouth with his own this time, locking a hand in messy chestnut locks.

Their kiss deepened and hands roamed, continuing as minutes ticked by unnoticed on the clock next to them. Unnoticed, that is, until a slight knock was heard before they're door was opened, Matsuda sticking his head in.

Matsuda flushed an indescribable shade of crimson at the sight displayed before him. The sound of the unadulterated lust in L's voice made Matsuda promptly pass out, out of fear that the Llama song incident would threaten to be shared once more. L stood up, sliding off of Light -albeit willingly- and threw Matsuda's body out the window and into the wood chipper outside.

"…L? was that really necessary?" Light asked between labored breaths.

"Of course it was. We wouldn't want him waking up after what he just saw, just for him to see more and spread the word."

"True," Light easily dismissed the murder he had just witnessed. "Come back over here, will you?"

"I'm afraid that I can't do that, Light-Kun. I believe that Matsuda was sent here to let us know that we are late to work," L said while dressing in his usual white long-sleeved shirt and jeans.

Light sighed in response, and got up, slipping out of his pajamas and into his own clothes. "So what are we going to say about Matsuda?" he asked after a few more moments of silence between them.

"We can just say that he fell out the window as he was going to open the curtains in an attempt to wake us," L answered simply, like killing your co-workers is something that you do every day, and wasn't odd at all.

"So what was a wood chipper doing out there, anyway?" Light asked after another moment. "I mean, I think that it was out there so that you have another option if the building is on fire. Really, if the building is on fire, then you're going to die. If the wood chipper is out there you have the option of a quick death. You can either stay in there and be burned, you can be crushed by the debris, or you can jump out the window and have your legs where your shoulders are, which are all slow, painful ways to die. But if there is a wood chipper at the bottom of the window, you can fall in and have a quick death. Hey, what's the wood chipper's name?"

L stood, frozen and speechless at Light's little speech on the pros and cons of dying in a wood chipper, courtesy of the threat of being slowly burned in a fire. "What kind of thought process is _that_?" he managed.

"Does it have a name? Can we name it Woody?" Light asked excitedly, blatantly ignoring L's question. He continued on. "It looks like a Woody. Woody the Wood Chipper. It's perfect!"

"…Light?" L asked.

"Yeah?" Light replied.

"Can we continue getting ready?" L asked, thinking, that if that if what Light just explained wasn't a Kira thought, what is?

"Sure," Light replied. "I'm about done. Are you ready?"

"Yes," L replied. Neither of them bothered with a shower, because L had woken Light up about twenty minutes after they fell asleep the night before, complaining that he felt sticky, and so they both showered.

The two handcuffed men made their way to the main computer room in the huge building, getting their story straight for what they would say to explain where Matsuda had gone, and how he died the horrible death of being shredded by a wood chipper.

As they entered the room, Sochiro looked around. "Good morning, you two. Where's Matsuda? He's not with you?"

"Um, hey, dad. About that…" Light trailed off awkwardly, glancing at his lover for help.

"Yes, about that. You see, he was opening the curtains above out windows, and fell out. There, he landed in a wood chipper. It's such a tragedy," L explained in his usual monotone.

Sochiro and the rest of the task force gaped in shock, and the wet, popping sound of four jaws dropping in unison filled the room for a split second, then all fell quiet. Light broke the silence. "So I was wondering why there was a wood chipper outside of the window, and-"

"Light, no," L cut him off. "Not again."

"But they might be able to answer me, or at least see my point," Light replied, and began to explain his theory for the second time in an hour that morning. "I think that it was out there so that you have another option if the building is on fire. Really, if the building is on fire, then you're going to die. If the wood chipper is out there you have the option of a quick death. You can either stay in there and be burned, you can be crushed by the debris, or you can jump out the window and have your legs where your shoulders are, which are all slow, painful ways to die. But if there is a wood chipper at the bottom of the window, you can fall in and have a quick death. What do you all think?"

The silence from the other task force members stayed in place.

"Why don't we all take the day off, in remembrance and honor of Touta Matsuda," L said to them, planning to celebrate in a way probably a little differently than the rest of them. His plan involved the handcuffs, cake, Light, and all of their clothes on the floor.

"Okay, thank you, Ryuzaki," Sochiro answered for all of them. "We'll do that." And with that, they all left, leaving Light and L alone.

As soon as they were entirely alone in the building, L snaked his arms around Light's waist. "Hey, Light-Kun, how about we celebrate this my way?" he whispered seductively.


	7. You've GOTTA be Kidding Me

A/N: I'M SORRY! It's been so long since I've updated this. I was waiting for an idea! ….. XD my mind still thinks that it's funny when it blocks off all writing ideas. So does Voice Number Six, the sadistic little…. NEVER MIND! ^-^ Anyway, here's chapter seven! Please R&R and tell me what you think! I can't get anywhere without knowing your opinions!

Disclaimer: I own nothing. You should know that. If I did, then _why_ would I be writing fan fictions on here?????

xxx

"L!!!!" Light screamed as he climaxed, L climaxing from the sound of Light's delicious screams of pleasure. He fell on top of Light in exhaustion, resting his head no the other's chest. Light reached to his forehead and wiped the sweat beading behind his chestnut locks. L listened to Light's heartbeat, that was acting as if it was imitating a hummingbird's wings, as the pace slowed to a steady rhythm. "Light," he mumbled softly. "Light?"

Light ran his fingers through L's silky, black hair, his hand running over the sheen on his forehead under the mess of thick hair. "Mmm?" he responded lazily.

"We have to be going, soon. You have anger management class today."

Light's hand stopped and he shot up. "You just _completely _ruined any and all mood. And, what was it… I was going to say? Oh yeah, I remember, _WHY THE HELL ARE YOU MAKING ME GO BACK TO THAT HELLHOLE?" _Light yelled, finishing his sarcastic rant by giving L a go-die-in-a-ditch glare of doom.

"Light-Chan, why are you saying it like it's a bad thing? It's good for you," L chuckled slightly at Light's reaction. It's exactly like he had planned would happen.

"I'm NEVER going back there. You can't do _anything_ to make me. **NEVER!!!" **Light said firmly, sitting down on the edge of the bed as if to prove a point. Luckily they had managed to make it to a bedroom without cameras before they lost all self-control. Unfortunately, L just couldn't take him seriously at all when the uke was doing that while still naked. "Well, I was going to let you go while handcuffed to me, but if you're never going to go, then…." L just trailed off, smirking inwardly. Hook, line, and sinker.

"….Really?" Light asked apprehensively, turning to face him. "But you never go outside. You can't. what if someone sees you?"

"They'd never know me for who I really am. Most of them are mental, anyway. If they really did yell, "I just saw L!", who would believe them, and that they weren't just hallucinating?" L shrugged, pleased with the convincing piece of information there. Light couldn't make a rebuttal to that; it was all true, and undeniable.

Light sighed, knowing that there was no point in arguing with L, and that he would just have to accept the fact that he had been defeated. "Fine. As long as I'm handcuffed to you, I guess it's alright…. Sort of."

"That's a good uke!" L patted the top of Light's head, and Light growled at him. "Now let's go shower."

"Why do I get the feeling that we'll be getting dirty _before_ getting clean?" Light asked.

L smirked mischievously. "Because we have two hours before class. Now come on!" he pulled on Light's arm, dragging the other boy off the bed and towards the bathroom.

xxx

A/N: Shorter chapter, but the next one will be up MUCH sooner, and it'll have lemon! Yay, lemon! XD And L's Hydroxilize will arrive in the mail, soon! Thanks for reading, I hope you liked it! Please review and tell me what you think! ^-^


	8. Shower?

A/N: Here's the promised lemon, for all of the yaoi fangirls just like me! And in a MUCH shorter time. YAY! Lol, hope you like it! Please read and review to tell me what you think!

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Don't sue me or I'll unleash an army of another kind of 'Sue' to annoy you for the rest of your miserable life. Have a nice day :D

xxx

"Good God, Ryuzaki…." Light moaned as L's tongue trailed up the heated skin of his chest, and began to lick and nip at his nipples. Ecstasy clouded his mind, to the point that the only logic left in his mind was the animalistic, simple type, that only told his body that L's tongue lapping at his pale and burning skin, and the hands trailing up and down his sides, scratching at intervals and breaking the flesh felt _good_, so they were allowed to keep going.

L continued to drag the wet organ over the flushed skin of his lover's chest. One and a half hours left. He was planning on making this last as long as possible. Light was sitting on the huge marble counter, his back shoved up and pressed against the mirror, chest -and the rest of his gorgeous body, for that matter- bare and open to L's brand of eye-rape.

They had forgotten to bring their shirts that had been torn off during their earlier escapade and thrown to some random corner of the bedroom, and the fact was that neither of them particularly cared about it at the moment. Their pants were in the same boat. L moved off of Light to turn on the water in the shower, the steam fogging up the room and glass in a matter of seconds. Light was dragged under the falling current by L, who, at a point Light hadn't noticed, had plugged the drain in the huge spa bathtub, the likes of which could easily fit four people comfortably, and turned on the jets, pulling Light down to sit on his lap while the older sucked the younger's neck, arms wrapped around him in a tight embrace. The sounds Light was making were utterly _delicious, _and L proceeded to suck harder, just to hear more low moans spill from the brunette's talented mouth. "Mmmm, L, I- I thought that, ngh, we were g-going to shower," Light managed, giving up on calling the other something as long as "Ryuzaki". The little brain power he had left told him that four syllables is harder to say than one.

L could have rolled his eyes, had they not been shut, his body more intent on listening. "Now why would we do that when this is so much more fun?" he asked, enunciating each word with a bite trekking up Light's neck to his earlobe.

Light just moaned in response to L's ministrations, as the other boy's hand wrapped around his member, gripping it tightly. L began to pump it roughly, and Light writhed above him in pleasure. L stopped, and Light groaned in discomfort. But he was soon retaliated when he was flipped over and L's fucking _skilled_ tongue was taking the place of his hand stroking his dick. Up, down, along the side, teeth scraping, tongue dipping into the slit and _SUCKING_ long and hard, forcing Light to cum harder than he swore he ever had before with a shrill scream of _**"L!"**_ at the top of his lungs.

As Light ejaculated into his mouth, L licked up and swallowed all of the salty liquid produced from his lover's sweet treat. He saw Light's hair sticking to his forehead, adhered with steam, normal water, and sweat. He kissed the parted, pink lips, and Light tasted himself, which, oddly, turned him on even more. His ankles were placed on top of L's shoulders, and, using water for lubricant, L pushed the head slowly into Light's tight ass. He continued to shove into Light, and Light moaned in pain until L hit the bundle of nerves that lay deep within him. God, _why_ was that there? Not that he was complaining, of course, as he groaned at the sensation once more. L began to move in and out, every time going further in, deeper and deeper. Soon he was pounding into Light at a formidable speed, and Light was screaming L's name with each thrust. L came into Light's ass, and Light came all over L's hand that had been pumping him in time. L collapsed on top of Light, the water from the jets whirring around them, creating a peaceful setting. L wrapped his arms around Light, and kissed him again. "Love you," he murmured. Light ran his fingers through L's shiny, wet, black hair. "Love you, too."

After a bit, L got up off of Light and stood to unplug the bathtub and turn on the shower. The sweat and scent floated down the drain. They got re-dressed, and got ready for Light's class, L clasping the handcuffs back onto their wrists, chain clinking on the ground between them.

"Ready to go?" L asked, and Light nodded. L called down to Watari to tell him to ready the car.

Just in time.

xxx

A/N: Did you like it? I hope I'm doing better, so please tell me! And in the next chapter, Light AND L will be in anger management classes together, with Doctor Near and the rest of them! Review for cookies!


	9. Anger Managment for Two

A/N: Hello again! I'm SERIOUSLY dishing these things out today! This is my second chapter update today! So to make up for the lack of updating before this, here's another chapter! XD L comes with Light, that's going to be even MORE fun! R&R to tell me what you think, constructive criticism is always welcome, but no flames please!

I got the Beyond idea from ______, one of my beloved reviewers. Thanks a bunch to you *hands cake*, and everyone else who's read and/or reviewed this! You all help me so much! *hands cookies* Especially DarkAngel2828, Solianna71, Aki.X596, Black Alice Butterfly, Beyond Birthday-Chan, JokerIsI, and . LOVE YOU ALL! THANK YOU!

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

xxx

As soon as the car stopped at the all-too familiar (thanks to Light's photographic memory) building. Light led the way into the gray, cement rehabilitation clinic's anger management division. Would it kill them to make it look _less_ like a prison? L followed behind him, looking around with his thumb stuck in his mouth and most likely analyzing the other patients. "Ah, Light-Kun, my name will be Hidaki Ryuga here," L stated simply.

"Back to honorifics, huh? And are you sure that you should use the name of a famous idol here? They'll just think that you're even crazier. They might even want to keep you here," Light said jokingly. He lowered his voice and leaned to whisper in L's ear, brushing raven locks out of the way. "Then who'd fuck me?" he breathed into his ear.

"Ah, that would be a problem, now wouldn't it?" L smirked and pecked Light's cheek discreetly.

After turning down a hallway to the right of the lobby, they entered the third door on the left, the plastic sign beside the door labeling it "Anger Management". "Here we are," Light muttered darkly.

L looked around the room, taking in the circle of multi-colored chairs, the few people already seated there, and Doctor Near. L was almost shocked at the boy's appearance. Snow white hair, skin and pajamas that matched the shade of paleness, coal eyes, the hand wound in the snow white hair, and not to mention the fact that he looked like he was supposed to be in his twenties and looked about ten years old, and perched on top of a desk surrounded by the _Transformers _he'd been playing with.

Near was staring back. Well, more at the chain that was connecting the two men. Anyone in the right mind would stare at it in shock of the scandal, so that explained why the other patients were paying it absolutely no mind.

Doctor Near put on an almost inhuman poker face. "Hello, Light, and…"

"Hidaki Ryuga," L filled in, glancing at Light with a smug look, as if to say "told you so" as soon as Doctor Near had brushed off the name resemblance. Light just noticed how monotone the doctor still was. He sounded dead, or at least like he hadn't had his coffee that morning. Maybe they should introduce him to Matsuda.

"Okay, Light and Mr. Ryuga, please have a seat," the small albino gestured towards the circle that took up most of the room. "We'll begin in a moment."

"Ryuga" and Light went over and sat in silence, and more and more people filled the room until it had the same as Light's last escapade there, plus one eccentric raven-haired detective going by an alias. The others included bill, Lisa, Ted, Mello, Tim, Steve showed up again, (Bob had undoubtedly followed him there) and Beyond.

Beyond was staring at L the entire time they were doing introductions because of the new internees, and Light was the only one to really notice. _Why is that bastard staring at L? He's MINE. He fucks ME and me only, _Light thought evilly in his mind, and he was suddenly overcome with the driving urge to chuck something at the man's head. But, he noticed, _he looks like L!!!!_ Light mulled it over. Thick black hair, unnaturally pale skin, onyx eyes, baggy clothes…. _holy shit he DOES look just like L!!!_

Light was creeped out for the next few minutes, before L became aware of his discomfort and placed his hand over Light's. His eyes seemed to ask, "what's wrong?". Light's eyes answered back, darting to Beyond. L's line of vision followed his there, and landed on his look-alike. Beyond glanced at L and smirked slightly in a way that Light knew was seductively. _THAT BITCH!!! HOW DARE HE LOOK AT L THAT WAY! _

Light glared at Beyond. "Get your own seme," he said a bit too loudly.

The rest of the people, who had been wrapped up in a discussion on ways you can control yourself from throwing your co-workers though their cubicle walls, all turned to look at Light.

"I am a seme. But I could turn yours into an uke," Beyond said suggestively. Light took it like an insult to himself.

"My seme could kick your ass!" he shouted. "Hell, I could kick your ass, you fucker!"

"Calm down!" Doctor Near somehow managed to yell monotonously. "I didn't know that you all played for that team. That could be a root of your anger that needs managed. So please raise your hands if you're gay."

All of the hands in the room raised.

"Hmm. Interesting. Lisa, you're gay, too?"

"Yes, I'm feeling particularly happy today," she shrugged.

Light and Beyond continued glaring daggers at each other, and L tried his best to pull his uke away.

"Light! You're in anger management so that you don't kill people! Matsuda's already dead, and we can't afford to have Misa as a corpse. And we _really_ don't need you killing random people!" L hissed at him.

Light gave up, slumping into L's arms and letting himself be held. "Fine," he muttered. "But you're MINE."

"Technically, you're _mine_, but that's beside the point. The point is that MURDER IS ILLEGAL," L said firmly. Then he whispered, "If you're a good boy, you might get a reward tonight."

Light's spirits lifted at the thought of his "reward". Then, for some reason, he thought bondage. Well, that could get interesting. This chain was making him way too kinky. But he liked the idea. He'd make sure to bring it up later when he got his reward.

Doctor Near looked around. "Well, I believe that we should be wrapping this session up. I'd like you all to reflect on what was said today, and not kill anyone or anything. Have a nice day," he got up and walked over to his desk, beginning to pack up his extensive collection of Transformers.

Everyone began to file out of the room, and L continued consoling Light once they got out of the building and out into the bright but brisk early autumn breeze. "Okay, what do you want for a reward?"

"…Bondage," Light said, a little sheepishly, his face flushing slightly.

"Hmm. That's out of the ordinary, and somehow appealing. Okay, then. We should probably get some things for that then… I'll call Watari not to pick us up for another few hours, and we can call a taxi to take us to the mall," L suggested.

"Sound's great," Light said, cheering up at the thought.

"Alright," L pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and hit number one on the speed dial. "Hello, Watari? Yes, please come to pick us up when I call you, this might last longer than originally planned, and I don't want you waiting here. That's all." He snapped the phone shut and back open to call a taxi.

The taxi arrived after about another five minutes, and Light and L climbed in and gave the directions to the mall to the driver.

"So, Light, what kind of stores in the mall sell what we're looking for?" L asked, curiously.

"Well, I know the mall has a Spencer's Gifts, so we can go there," Light answered. He hadn't been to the mall in a while thanks to the confinement, and he didn't go to stores like that on a regular basis, anyway.

"Okay, that's where we'll start, then," L said, looking at Light seductively. Just the thought of being with Light in a kink shop almost made him horny. Wait until they got there.

The taxi parked in front of the mall, and Light and L got out, L handing the driver a couple of bills, and he drove off. The two entered the front doors and proceeded inside to find Spencer's.

xxx

A/N: I hope you liked that one! I'm working on the next chapter right now, and ideas are swimming through my mind like fishies in bowls and I LOVE it! There's no writers block! YAY~! Okay, please review and tell me what you thought of it! I need to hear your opinions!


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: I'M SORRY IT'S BEEN SO LONG! Thanks a million and a plate of cookies to everyone who has been reading this, who is reading this now, who has reviewed this, and who is going to review this after you're done reading!

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

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"AW! It's closed for…" L peered at the smaller print on the sign. "What the hell? We don't celebrate Boxing Day in Japan!"

"Well, we can't help that. If these people want to be Canadians, we have no say in it," Light answered with a shrug.

"… Well _that_ was pessimistic."

"It was, wasn't it? I've been noticing that a lot lately…Hey, look! I've been wondering what those things were about. They're really popular at the moment," Light pointed towards a Build-A-Bear store.

L glared at the store.

"Um…Ryuzaki? What's wrong? You're kind of freaking me out…."

"There is something possessed and positively _evil _about that children's store. I can sense it," L said solemnly.

"… Are you alright? I'm really starting to worry. It's a teddy bear shop."

"Precisely."

"Right then. Let's just go in," Light said, heading towards the overly-yellow, sewing-circle-themed doominess that is called Build-A-Bear Workshop.

"And see? What did I tell you about this place being possessed and/or positively evil place." L pulled a roll of duct tape off of a shelf.

"Ryuzaki…. Wait, why the hell do they sell duct tape?"

"Light, duct tape is an essential and effective murder tool. Yet it apparently also has _other_ uses. They have figured that out here. Look at the label."

Light glanced over at the tags on the tape. " "Fix-It-Yourself bear patching kit for parents. Band-aid stickers sold separately"," he read aloud. "What the fuck?"

A child standing by them glanced at him with an astonished expression. "Mommy! That man said a bad word!"

Light resisted the urge to face palm. "Let's get out of here," he put the tape down and they left the demented little cavern, exiting the mall because there was no other reason for them to keep the chauffer waiting.

"Next stop is the super market," L said briskly. "I need sundae supplies because Watari asked me to pick them up because if I'm already out he doesn't want to go shopping again."

Light shook his head in mock disappointment. "Dessert is all you ever think about."

"Yes. Yes it is. Now come along," L dragged Light off to the limousine.

In about twenty minutes, they found themselves in the parking lot in front of the grocery store,

"Ah, a commoner's supermarket!" L said, getting a cart from the long line of wheeled handcarts outside of the store.

Light sighed. "You've been reading too much manga again, haven't you?"

"It is good for your soul!"

"No it's not."

"Says you. I am L, and I say that manga is amazing. So you can just shut up because you cannot argue L's words so you can't argue with me because L's word is law."

"What kind of screwed up logic are you using now? You sound like a narcissist with multiple personality disorder on crack or something," Light insulted, rolling his eyes in frustration before he was locked in a staring contest with L.

"Light is standing very still in the middle of a parking lot. I suggest he move before he is run over by an oncoming Sedan," L noted.

Light just continued to glare daggers at L who was now wisely keeping his distance from the auburn-haired teen/ deranged serial-killer-mass-murderer-who-was-innocent-at-the-moment-but-still-probably-had-a-laugh-like-a-demented-birthday-party-clown-weasle-thing-on-helium-and-crack.

They entered the store that seemed to be air conditioned to zero degrees Celsius for shopper's 'comfort'. Light shivered in his t-shirt, and L seemed entirely indifferent to the temperature, picking out a shopping cart from the rack and pushing it into the main entrance. "You know, your logic is just really messed up," he said, still unhappy.

"Easy for you to say, Kira."

"I am NOT Kira!" Light screamed at him, and then noticed the multiple heads turned their way. "I mean…."

Everyone was silent for a moment, until all hell broke loose. People started running in circles, shoving each other around, hitting and kicking and pushing all trying to get out or at least away from 'Kira'… or, rather, Kira. One person came up to them in all of the commotion.

"Hey, do either of you guys know of a good remote hiding place, preferably in a deserted location such as a ally, or something of the sort?" the man asked. He looked exactly like L, except for the fact that he looked slightly deranged and the front of his shirt was drenched in a suspicious red liquid.

Light looked at the man's shirt. "Um… what happened to you?" he thought of his words carefully, as to not seem like he was accusing the man of murder. Because he had no room to talk.

"It's… jam. Yeah. Anyway, do you know a place or not?" he answered quickly.

"Uh, not really…" Light trailed off. The other shrugged and quickly sprinted in the opposite direction. Light looked around, trying to find L who had gotten bored and wandered off. He found said raven-haired detective with a cart full of 'food', meaning a bottle of chocolate syrup, a can of whipped cream, a gallon of ice-cream, maraschino cherries, hot fudge, chopped almonds, caramel, mini marshmallows, and rainbow sprinkles.

"Well, Ryuzaki, if you're done here. we should get back to the car," Light said, inconspicuously prompting L into the checkout line and out of the market for the simple reason of not wishing to become a popsicle/icicle/anything ice related.

"Alright," L answered simply, pushing the cart full of dessert supplies to the rows of conveyer belts in the front of the store. And he still didn't seem cold!

"How are you not cold in here?" Light asked, still shivering.

"Because I am not to be affected by diminutive and superfluous things such as temperature. I have more important things to do, such as catch Kira.

"Okay, then. Whatever." They paid and left.

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A/N: Ha ha ha… tired… nighty-night. *falls over*


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